Memorial website in the memory of your loved one

This memorial website was created in the memory of our loved one, Jacob Ogilvie who was born in New Zealand on October 18, 2005 and passed away on October 26, 2005 . We will remember him forever.



                         

Jacob was born at christchurch womens hospital 18th October 2005, he was born with CDH ("Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia". Congenital means "born with" and a hernia is a problem where something goes through a hole it is not supposed to. The hole is in the diaphragm. The diaphragm is a muscle that helps us to breathe and keeps the organs in the abdomen from going into the chest cavity. 
                                      
When Jacob was very small (early in the pregnancy), there was a hole in the diaphragm. This is normal, but the hole usually closes by the end of the third month of pregnancy. In Jacob’s case, the hole stayed open. This allowed some of the intestines to go into the chest cavity. Since the intestines were in the chest cavity and not where they were supposed to be, the lungs could not grow in the normal space that they need (they had to share the space with the intestines). This means that the lungs are smaller than they should be. The intestines can also push on the other lung and keep it from growing fully and can sometimes keep the heart from growing normally (Jacob had a right-sided hernia).
At 19 weeks gestation my partner and I went for what we thought was a routine scan, we had taken our daughter Hannah with us so she could see the growing baby inside mum's tummy. Hoping to see two arms, two legs, head etc etc all in the correct places and find out the sex of our baby, we were shocked to find a hole in his diaphram. Not knowing how bad his condition was or what his outcome would be, we were sent away and told our midwife would contact us soon. Within 10 minutes our midwife Prue contacted us and informed us that we need to meet at Queen Mary at Dunedin hospital. Two hours later we were sitting with Prue waiting to see a doctor, when the specialist arrived she started to explain Jacob's condition and he was given a 50/50 chance of surivial.
It was also explained that we would have to travel to another hospital when the time came for Jacob to enter our world if that is he surivived the pregnancy.
                                       
At first we went for a scan monthly to check on his condition and the development of his lungs and then the scans were to become fortnightly.
At 30 weeks gestation we decided it was time i gave up working and by the middle of my first week off work i was flown to Wellington womens hospital with what the the doctors thought was a premature labour. After five nights in Wellington the doctors decided there was no longer a threat of early labour and i was sent home.
At 35 weeks gestation my mother, daughter and I moved to christchurch and we all stayed at Ronald McDonald House, with my partner and dad visiting each and every weekend. Going to Christchurch without Darryl was one of the hardest things i've ever done, knowing that Jacob could decide to arrive early and Darryl not be there.
After the fourth weekend visit we said our goodbyes and once again i reminded them to keep the cell phones handy (just incase). The following day i went in for yet another scan and it was noted that Jacob was low on fluid. The decision was made that an induced labour would follow the next day. 
After leaving the hospital i was straight on the phone to Darryl and dad asking them to get back in the car and come back to Christchurch. The night that followed was one a very mixed emotions unsure whether to be happy or sad that the birth would take place the following day. We all knew that Jacob may not surivive the birth and if so would the doctors be able to stabilise him in time? What would it be like to see our son in the neonatal unit with tubes feeding him and breathing for him?
Jacob surivived the birth and was stabilised within 7 minutes and then rushed off to neonatal. I had a fleeting glance at Jacob as they wheeled him away but longed to hold him in my arms. It would be another 3 hours before i got to see him and Darryl was allowed to visit with him within an hour. When Darryl arrived back from his visit he brought photos that the neonatal staff had taken for me. Those photos were my lifeline, he was so perfect & it was hard to believe that there was anything wrong with him.
                                         
After being admitted to neonatal Jacob was transferred to overhead radiant warmers and connected to Sensor Medics High Frequency oscillating ventilates, he was given a paralysing agent and sedatives. After numerous tests and medical assistance it was decided to operate on the 20th October. Jacob handled surgery without event, the surgeons repaired the Diaphragmatic hernia with a gortex patch via a rooftop incision and post-op was very stable, settled boy. Day four arrived and Jacob was still heavily sedated but still doing well, by day five 3mls of breast milk was introduced 3 hourly. Day six arrived and so did Jacob's deterioration, oxygen saturations decreased to 88-90% in 100% oxygen. Breast milk decreased to 1ml 3 hourly. Day seven oxygen saturations still decreasing down to low 80's now everything possible being done to assist Jacob now.
Day eight: Marked deterioration overnight, decreased oxygenation and poor blood pressure. We were told that there was no further therapies available for Jacob. Darryl and I then had to break the news to other family members and get ours daughters to come and say goodbye to Jacob before he passed away. Those there to say goodbye were: Nana & Grandad Smythe (Colin & Margaret), Nana & Grandad Ogilvie (Barry & Glenys), Big sisters Jasmine & Hannah, and also a visit from Nigel & Vicky and Edie & Derek.
At 12noon Jacob was finally placed in my arms and it was so good to give him a cuddle all of his tubes had been removed and Darryl also got his first cuddle. At 12.11pm on the 26th October 2005 Jacob was gone.
Roughly an hour later i took Jacob into the family room for the rest of the family that was present to have a cuddle also, we all spent time with Jacob and said our goodbyes.
I want to thank all the staff at Ronald McDonald house (christchurch) and all the staff at Christchurch womens hospital for all the help and care provided for Jacob and our families.
Also a huge thank you to my mum & dad who without i could not have coped those weeks in christchurch & a huge thank you to Darryl's dad and wife glenys who also made a huge contribution of support to us at our time of need.
To all the rest of our family and friends thank you for your support also, without your support i don't know how we would have coped.

                        Jacob's Quilt Patch
Web link for Angel page made by AngelRyan. It is a Internet quilt made in honor of babies born with CDH.
http://www.freewebs.com/angelryandesigns/cdhquilt.htm                          

                             A Bereaved Parent's Wish List
1. I wish my child hadn't died! I wish I had him back! 

2. I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my child's name. My child lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that he was important to you as well. 

3. If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child, I wish you knew it wasn't because you hurt me. My child's death is the cause of my tears. You have talked about my child, and you have allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both. 

4. Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me. I need you more than ever! 

5. I need diversion so I do want to hear about you; but I also want you to hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about my child, my favorite topic of the day. 

6. I wish you would not expect my grief to be over in six months, a year or even two. These first years are traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over. I will suffer the death of my child until the day I die. 

7. I am working very hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand that I will never fully recover. I will always miss my child and wish that he were not dead.
 
8. I wish you would not expect me "not to think about it" or to 'be happy". Neither will happen for a long time so do not frustrate yourself. 

9. I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is miserable to be around me when I'm feeling miserable. Please be as patient with me as I am with you. 

10. When I say, "I am doing okay," I wish you could understand that I do not feel okay and I struggle daily. 

11. I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I am having are very normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So please excuse me when I am quite and withdrawn or irritable and cranky. 

12. Your advise to "take one day at a time" is excellent. I wish you could understand that I am doing good to handle life an hour at a time. 

13. I wish you understood that grief changes people. When my child died, a big part of me died with him. I am not the same person I was before my child died, and I will never be that person again.
 
14. I wish very much that you could understand - understand my loss and my grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my pain. But I pray daily that you will never understand. 













Click here to see Jacob Ogilvie's
Family Tree
Tributes and Condolences
Happy Easter Jacob xoxo   / Tania Ogilvie (Mother)
Dear Mr Easter Bunny,
I just had to write today...
To see if you stop in Heaven...
As you hop along your way?

You see...a part of me is up there...
That I miss with all my heart...

So, I wanted to know ...  Continue >>
We'll never forget   / Lisa Coombs (Aunty)
Never shall I forget the horrible smell of that hospital. Never shall I forget the pain we went threw the tears we cried and the question. Why? Why let someone die so young and so soon? Never shall I forget how my family felt. It felt as if someone w...  Continue >>
Ugly Shoes   / Tania Smythe (mommy) (Mother)
I am wearing a pair of shoes. They are ugly shoes. Uncomfortable shoes. I hate my shoes. Each day I wear them and each day I wish I had another pair. Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step. Yet I continue to wear t...  Continue >>
Someone is missing   / Tania Smythe (mommy) (Mother)
Someone is missing from our dinner table from our bedroom and our home. Someone is missing from holiday celebrations family vacations and everywhere in between. Someone is missing from our lives Our littlest one is gone. He will not have birthday par...  Continue >>
Bereaved Birthdays   / Lisa Coombs (Aunty)
Birthdays are a time for celebration
Not a time for tears
But what happens when the birthdays
No longer mark the years
A birthday marks the moment
A spirit enters earthly life
To share its special love and joy
And l...  Continue >>
TO MY DEAR FRIEND  / TASH RUKA (MUMS FRIEND )    Read >>
Dear Easter Bunny  / Tania Smythe (Mommy) (Mother)    Read >>
WISH YOU WERE HERE.....  / Shirley Griffiths (Nana)    Read >>
Just for today  / Tania Smythe (Mother)    Read >>
Happy Birthday Jacob  / Colin &. Margaret Smythe (Grand Parents )    Read >>
Happy Birthday  / Mum &. Dad (Parents)    Read >>
Birthday Wishes  / Aunty Lisa Coombs     Read >>
my condolences  / Jasmene Waalwijk (online friend of mother )    Read >>
JACOBS TRIBUTE  / Debbie Blakley     Read >>
Merry Christmas Jacob  / Lisa Coombs (Aunty)    Read >>
More tributes and condolences...
Click here to pay tribute or offer your condolences
His legacy
So glad we did  
The day we found out about Jacob's condition, we were also told that we still had an opportunity to abort the pregnancy. Both Darryl and I wanting to do what we thought would be best for the other, and it was decided that we would indeed abort. The thought of going through a pregnancy on tender hooks always wondering if Jacob would surivive long enough for us to see him and if he did survive till the birth would he then make the next hurdle or would we have to bury our son?
Never in our lives have we been so scared, it wasn't till a week later that we were discussing that option with our midwife and specialist, that we finally discussed it properly between ourselves and once we did we realised that never of us wanted an abortion. By this stage Jacob was 20 weeks gestation and already a huge part of our life (a bigger part than either of us had realised).
We are so glad we gave Jacob the the opportunity of life, he has brought us closer together and taught us alot about ourselves and each other. He has also taught us just what it means to love someone.
Seeing your baby in neonatal care and realising that there is nothing you can do to help is one of the hardest things any parent can go through, its not like a scraped knee you can't put a bandage on it and it heals, you can't kiss it better and you can't give them a cuddle.
There was two occasions when Darryl and I seen Jacob with his eyes open and those two moments were magicial, Jacob eyes looked for us when we spoke. On both occasions it would only last for a couple of minutes and then more medication would be administered.
Jacob was an active baby throughout the pregnancy and i'm sure he took great pleasure in kicking his mum's tum, he also got a few good kicks into dad's back at night.


More of his legacy...
 
Jacob's Photo Album
Jacob with mum & dad
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